Haunted Fairy Castle ~ Installment 8

by Jessica

Alice in Wonderland

I had a minor spat with Alice in Wonderland the other day. She overheard me telling Goofy I had never seen the Disney movies before this year.

“You must have seen some of them,” said Alice, imperiously. “How else did you know about the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland?”

Alice in Wonderland is a book,” I told her.

“No it isn’t,” she said. “It’s a movie. I’ve seen it.”

She seemed so sure of herself that I began to question my own knowledge. Is it possible I hallucinated a memory of reading Alice in Wonderland? It could be. The book did have hallucinogenic qualities. I will have to go to the library and check it out, to make sure I’m not going insane.

My most recent Disney screening was The Little Mermaid.  The little mermaid winds up marrying the prince in the end. This seems to be a trend. It isn’t a bad ending, but it makes the story predictable. I’d like to see a Disney movie where the princess doesn’t end up with the prince. She could, for example, turn out to be a lesbian. Possibly I will pitch this idea to Robert Iger.

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I’m starting to feel like I fit in around here. I have a regular table I sit at in the cafeteria now. We have a healthy blend of diversity at our table, including Winnie the Pooh and Snow White, and also normal people in business clothes. Sometimes Aladdin sits with us, and then the girls crowd around.

Personally, I am not attracted to Aladdin. I find him conceited. All he does is ride around on an elephant all day, admiring his biceps. I don’t like a man to be strictly decorative. You can tell it makes some of the other male characters jealous when the girls squeal over Aladdin. Winnie the Pooh lets it get to him, I can tell.

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I have a confession to make. I am secretly deeply attracted to Peter Pan. It isn’t child molestation, because he isn’t really a twelve-year-old boy. All of our character actors are required to be at least eighteen. But I feel awkward bringing up the subject. I can’t just say, “Hey Peter, killer tights. Can I offer you a ride home sometime?” because I’m not that bold. Besides, he has to stay in character so he would probably say something like, “I don’t drive home, I fly home, and you can’t come to Never-Neverland with me because you don’t have any pixie dust.” Then things would be awkward between us.

I’m secretly so jealous of the actress who plays Wendy. She has to walk around in a nightgown all day, but at least she gets to hold hands with Peter. (Continue…)

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