The Haunted Fairy Castle ~ Installment 4

by Jessica

I graduated from college last week, and today was my first day of work. I never would have thought my first serious job out of college would be fairy-related, but these things are unpredictable. I got the sense during my interview that Disney favors sparkling, bubbly employees, with an overflowing abundance of love and affection for Disney, so right away, I tried to display these qualities to my new boss.

“My name is Alexis,” I told her, beaming. “I just love Disney. I think everything about it is magical and, in my opinion, it really is the place where dreams come true.”

My boss gave me a look, and said, “We work in the Customer Complaints division of Disney PR. We get over 300,000 customer complaints per week. That’s eight thousand, five-hundred-and-seventy-one complaints per employee, per day. Your first complaint is in Tomorrow Land. The tourists there trained the seagulls to eat out of their hands. At first this was considered cute, but recently one of the seagulls attacked a small child. Get that sorted out.”

I spent the rest of the day researching bird extermination companies. It turns out that seagulls, like cockroaches and pestilent rats, can be exterminated for a reasonable price. At the end of the day, I gave the information to my new boss. She freaked out.

“We can’t kill the seagulls,” she screeched. “This is Disneyland. We have a talking seagull in one of our movies. Do you have any idea what kind of a PR disaster we’d have on our hands if Disney were caught killing talking seagulls?”

I considered reminding her that the seagulls don’t really talk, but it didn’t seem like the right moment. She was sort of twitching, and grinding up a muffin from the snack cart in her left hand. So instead I hung my head, and promised to do better tomorrow.

Tomorrow I plan to research bird tranquilizers, and extremely large butterfly nets.


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